Privacy Policy

☕ Privacy Policy

(or: What We Know, Why We Know It, and How to Make Us Forget)

🕵️♀️ What We Collect

When you buy anything from Conspiracy Coffee Company, you’re doing more than unlocking epic flavor. You’re also (willingly!) giving us some personal info — like your name, email address, phone number, and where to ship your coffee stash.

  1. Don’t worry — we’re not the NSA. We only use this info to brew your orders, deliver your beans, and occasionally whisper new roast conspiracies into your inbox.

📡 Email Signals from the Mothership

With your blessing (aka consent), we may send you updates, product launches, secret roast drops, and discount codes disguised as emails. If that ever feels like too much static in your signal, scroll down and hit unsubscribe, or send us a digital smoke signal at HQ@drinkconspiracy.com.

✍️ Your Consent (a.k.a. the Pinky Promise)

When you:

  • place an order,
  • enter your info to check out,
  • verify your payment,
  • or initiate a return...

...you’re agreeing that we can use your info for that specific purpose only.

Want to opt in for marketing? We’ll ask. Want to stay off the radar? You can say no. Either way, we respect your choice — no tinfoil hat required.

❌ Changing Your Mind?

You’re always free to change your mind. If you decide you’d rather not hear from us or want us to forget your data faster than a hypnotized intern, just email:
📩 HQ@drinkconspiracy.com

We’ll extract your consent (not your soul) and stop contacting you, using, or sharing your info.

🔐 Where Your Data Lives

We use a secure, encrypted hosting service. Your info is stored on a server protected by:

  • Firewalls,
  • SSL (Secure Socket Layer) encryption,
  • and a healthy distrust of data breaches.

We follow industry best practices to make sure your personal info isn’t lost, stolen, altered, leaked, or otherwise abused — even if we suspect the lizard people are watching.

💳 Payment & Card Info

If you use a direct payment gateway (like Shopify Payments), your credit card data is:

  • Encrypted using PCI-DSS standards (that’s “Payment Card Industry Data Security Standard” for those playing at home),
  • Stored only long enough to complete your transaction,
  • Deleted afterward like it never even happened.

All major card brands — Visa, MasterCard, Amex, Discover — helped create these standards to make sure your info stays safe and sound.

🛡️ In Summary:

We don’t spy, we don’t sell your data, and we definitely don’t track you across multiple dimensions. We just want to get great coffee into your hands — safely, securely, and with as little intrusion as possible.

Need help? Have questions? Want to submit a FOIA request about your own data (just kidding — kinda)?
Contact us anytime at: HQ@drinkconspiracy.com