Refund Policy

Return of the Repressed (Beans)

We hope your beans never betray you. But if something goes wrong — if your roast is too toasty or your delivery went on an unexpected detour — we’re here to help... no government clearance required.

☕ Our 30-Day “No Shenanigans” Return Window

You’ve got 30 days from the day your package was delivered to decide whether your coffee lives up to your third eye’s expectations. After 30 days, the portal closes and we sadly can’t offer refunds or exchanges (even if Mercury’s in retrograde).

To qualify for a return:

  • The item must be unused, unopened, and in its original packaging.
  • You cover return shipping (sorry, no black ops budget here).

💸 Refunds (If the Truth Is Out There)

Once your returned item arrives at HQ and passes our inspection (read: we sniff it, stare at it, and ask it deep philosophical questions), we’ll notify you via email whether your refund has been approved or denied.

If approved, we’ll issue a refund back to your original payment method. The Illuminati handles the timeline from there (but usually a few business days).

🕵️♂️ Missing Refunds?

If your refund hasn’t appeared yet:

  1. Check your bank account again.
  2. Contact your credit card company.
  3. Give it a few days. Digital money sometimes travels slower than carrier pigeons.
  4. Still nothing? Email us. We’ll investigate (no trench coat required).

🚫 Sale Items

Only full-priced items are refundable. Sale items? They're final — like a radio transmission cut mid-sentence.

🔁 Exchanges

If your item arrives defective or damaged (maybe it passed through a wormhole?), we’ll exchange it for the same item — no questions asked (okay, maybe a few). Just contact us first before shipping anything back.

🎁 Gifts

If the item was marked as a gift and shipped directly to you, you’ll get a gift credit for the return amount. Once your return is received, we’ll email you your credit code.

If the item wasn’t marked as a gift or was shipped to the giver first, the refund goes to the gift-giver, and they’ll know you’ve returned it. (Cue dramatic music.)

📦 Shipping Returns

To return your item, please contact us and we’ll guide you through the not-so-secret process.

Please note:

  • You’re responsible for your own return shipping costs.
  • Shipping fees are non-refundable.
  • Return/exchange times may vary depending on where you live and how cooperative the postal service is with rogue bean smugglers.