Conspiracy Coffee Scented Soy Candle, 9oz

🔍 Conspiracy Coffee Candle Disclosure (Read by Candlelight)

This candle is crafted for atmosphere, not answers. While its glow may encourage deep thoughts, late-night theories, or staring into the middle distance, it is still—legally and scientifically—a candle.

• Made with 100% natural soy wax and a cotton wick, because clean burns matter more than shadow governments.

• Housed in a glass jar designed to contain both wax and existential dread.

• Burn time averages 50–60 hours, depending on airflow, vigilance, and whether you forget it’s lit.

• All candles meet ASTM safety standards, even if society doesn’t.

• Scents vary, but wax color remains the same across all options. (Yes, we checked.)

• Assembled in the USA using globally sourced materials. No secret facilities. Probably.

⚠️ Important Notes from the Department of Obvious Things

• Never leave a burning candle unattended. Even if you’re “just stepping away for a second.”

• Keep away from children, pets, curtains, and experimental physics equipment.

• Trim wick before each burn to avoid excessive flame or unintended summoning rituals.

This candle will not reveal hidden truths, predict market crashes, or collapse civilization on its own.
It will make the room smell good while you think about those things.